Ahhh, somewhere to finally wear my bridesmaid dress!

"Mommy! This dress is sparkly and you look a Barbie!" Sophia exclaimed while we were in the dressing room. The girls and I had gone to Goodwill to reward them for chores well done and overall stellar behavior. As a treat, I told them they could pick out some funky dress-up clothes.

Sophia, who is all but three, upon finding a siren red, flouncy evening dress in her size, latched onto it with her chubby hands like a pit bull on steak. "This will come in handy later on when we go to After Christmas Sales as she gets older," I mused. She would not let go of that dress until we were safe in our dressing room. Once she put it on, Sophia looked like a little flamenco dancer and began to swish her skirt to the music playing on the store sound system.

Arie found a lovely off the shoulder number that made her look like a mini tango dancer. As they both sashayed around our dressing room, I sat back and basked in the glory that some things are simply genetic. They may not have gotten my chestnut hair or olive completion, but By Golly they've got FLAIR!

Little did I know the tables were about to turn on me. My daughters were THRILLED when they stumbled upon what they deemed to be "Mommy dress-up clothes" which were situated on a rack right outside our dressing room door. Yes. We are talking about none other than REALLY BAD BRIDESMAID DRESSES!

You think you pass a certain point in life and the request by girlfriends to wear taffeta and chiffon becomes a thing of the past. Until now.
The girls were so gleeful at the thought that I could join them properly attired for their princess parties that I couldn't refuse.

I plonked down my $10 and even the Goodwill cashier had to do a double take. I am now the proud owner of a sapphire blue, multi-tiered lace frock that can only be best described as Shocking. Tea with stuffed animals will be served at 3 and finally I have something to wear!

Ornaments from Helen

Over the last few weeks circumstances converged and I found myself doing more grief work concerning the death of my husband Jason on April 2, 2007. It comes in fits and spurts. This particular experience was unexpected. One of my friends asked me if the girls and I would like to join him and other friends in Helen, GA. 

Helen, GA is near where Jason proposed marriage to me on April 30, 2000. It was actually at the base of a beautiful waterfall that is somewhat nearby Helen. After our little picnic near the waterfall, in which he popped the question, we later went to Helen and took a carriage ride in the cool of the evening. We strolled arm in arm through the quaint shops and spent an hour mystified as the glass blower draped molten glass into delicate figurines at the glass blowing shop. 

In March of 2007, about three weeks before Jason died, he suggested that we go to Helen for the day as a family. We always loved it there. We had a wonderful time introducing our fun, faux Bavarian village to Arie. We took what would be our last family portrait together there. 

So when David asked me if I wanted to go to Helen, GA, I thought to myself that it was about time to return. I had been afraid of the sadness that returning to Helen might bring up. It would be nice not to go alone. You can't be too melancholy with four kids under the age of 7 (his two and my two). In fact, going back brought back beautiful memories and created new ones. 

There is a family ritual to experiencing Helen. And unbeknownst to David, we were doing the routine. We went by Betty's General Store, a must see in Helen, and bought yummy supplies for the day. Just as I always had with Jason. Then on to the shops. I stopped by the Christmas Shoppe, which was curiously owned by a lovely Jewish woman and we had a laugh and a great conversation. 

I thought it high time to get an ornament for Christmas from there. I have a tradition of getting ornaments to commemorate fun memories or significant accomplishments. That way, when I put up our Christmas tree in December, there are lots of family stories to reminisce while hanging the ornaments. 

To commemorate our return to Helen, I picked two ornaments. For the past, one hand painted one that depicted the Bavarian buildings of Helen. And for the present, a lovely glass painted Jewish dradle. David, my friend who went with me to Helen is Jewish and other really amazing Jewish friends have really encouraged me on my journey (along with my Christian, Agnostic and even Buddhist friends too)! But for this day, I chose the dradle. 

The kids ate more candy from the old time candy store than I care to acknowledge. Picking edible treasures from glass jars. Later, once they had hit their sugar quota, David did a stealthy backhand pass and I dumped the candy bag in the trash while the kids were distracted. 

I actually didn't tell David about the significance of Helen until after we all ate dinner late in the day. I didn't want the trip to feel exceptionally heavy. And it wasn't. 

I could have focused on all the things that should have, or could have been with Jason had he not died. And I couldn't help but do that for a little while. But hearing the beautiful dulcimer music played live by a older mountain man with a flowing white beard, feeling the warm evening air and listening to our children laugh...I was overwhelmed with thankfulness. 

Thankfulness for the life I had with Jason, for the children I have now and for the friends who walk along side me. For a beautiful day and wonderful memories. For a babbling brook, the light that danced on the water near the table we ate dinner on and for crayons that the children used to color pictures on their paper menus and play tic-tac-toe with. 

David and I talked about our lives then and now. He is a divorced single dad. We dated very briefly over a year ago, but decided that we would make great friends instead. And so he became a brother to me. We came to the conclusion that it's easy to let the past overwhelm the present. To let past hurts cloud a perfectly sunny day. And when that happens, it takes a conscience decision to pull yourself back into the here and now. I do that by focusing on something that is immediately near me. Like my daughters' smiles or the blue sky. That helps me let the past flow by and I can relax into the present. 

I also try to make a concerted effort to "reclaim" areas of my life, like Helen, that feel charged with memories. It's a way of not letting my past constrict my present movement. But it's also good to slow down for a day or so afterward to let your spirit rest. 

Today I was tired. Processing all that those thoughts and emotions takes effort. So I just flowed with my desire to get quiet. I snuggled into bed with my girls and we watched movies together. Later, we painted egg cartons with water colors. Sophia wore a cheerleading outfit that she loves but has clearly grown out of. When I tried to take it off of her, I actually lifted her off the ground trying to get the neck opening to get past her head. 

Life is messy, but it's still GOOD! 

Single Mom Santa's Survival Tactics

Okay, we all know the drill. The holidays come (for our family it's Christmas) and that can make a tight budget feel like skinny jeans from high school. In this economy, if you don't want to break the bank at Christmas, then we are going to have to get in the bargain trenches. As a single mom on one income, I've learned a few ideas along the way. I'm writing about this in September because this takes planning and if you start now, you'll be thrilled in December. 

So here are a few of my top secret tips that will keep you in the green and make you feel like a Holiday Diva!

First the Free Presents 

Okay, this one works great with kids three and under. I'm banking on an underdeveloped sense of long term memory here. Discreetly pull some of their current toys out of rotation and store in an out of the way place like in a bin in the attic. Of course you are going to buy some new toys for the holidays, but kids that age just like to open gifts. So along with the new toys, add the toys you already have and by the time your holiday morning rolls around your little one will be thrilled with all the presents under the tree! And if they have that vague sense that I've seen this item before, quickly distract with a cookie or tofurky (if you are a health nut). 

If you just can't swallow the idea of wrapping toys your kids already own (I'm telling you this works! Arie and Sophia have ALWAYS BEEN THRILLED with opening presents that were toys that had gone missing)! Then go through your child's toys and set aside the ones that your kids no longer play with. Get together with some moms that have done the same and have a toy swap. It'll be free and you'll have toys on Christmas morning that they haven't seen before. 

On to the birthdays. 

Once your sweet child is around four, their longer term memory is working against you. So I turn to birthday gifts. If you have more than six gifts from their party, sometimes the exact count gets lost in the bustle of the celebration. I'm not above siphoning a few gifts that won't be missed for Christmas time presents. The items are new, they have not been played with and my kids are thrilled. 

Now onto the purchased gifts. Here's where we go Goodwill hunting. 

Why spend $20 or more on a stuffed animal when there are perfectly good ones for a dollar or two at Goodwill? Take a solo trip to your local Goodwill (though I tend to look for stores in upscale neighborhoods). I try to stop in every week or two and you will be surprised at the toys your kids will LOVE for a fraction of the retail cost. I take the stuffed animals and run them through the wash or even put them in my large freezer in the garage to kill off any germs. 

You can also check out websites like freecycle.com and craigslist.com for toys or other items that people are just plain giving away. If you are looking for a specific item, you can post a classified ad on craigslist for free. People will then contact you through email and I've found some great gifts that way. 

I also start hitting the sales early. And when you give yourself tons of time, you will actually enjoy your holiday season without feeling like your rushing yourself. I try to be wrapped and ready by the end of October. 

Of course, part of the holiday season is teaching your children to give to others. 

We usually pick a craft for the holidays and do multiples. Every year is a secret and this one is no different. So I can't share our holiday craft at the moment because then my family will know what they are getting! (I can give one tip, Give a Garden!Start harvesting any flower seed you have in the garden now and decorate some envelopes and seal the seeds inside). 

Last year I came across a great sale at Michael's arts and crafts store. I found oil pastels for a $1.25 a pack and framed out canvases starting at $2.00 each. To parents I gave the pastels crayons and blank canvas and told them to draw something with their child and then the art is already framed and ready to hang on the wall when they're done. For grandma's and grandpa's, I had Arie draw out a picture of her choosing on the canvas with the pastels and gave the artwork as a gift. It was meaningful and cost effective, the best combination!

So don't let the holiday season sneak up on you! Bypass the mall rush and enjoy a relaxed pace with your kids over the holidays. That's where I find the magic happens, when I don't feel pressed by money or time, the memories are easier to make. 

FREE AT LAST!!! THANK GOD ALMIGHTY!!!

Let it be known that today, September 22, 2010 at approximately 6:10 PM I have finally done my time...POTTY TIME that is!

For the last six years, two months and ten days I have been on potty duty in one form or another. Well, in the name of journalistic integrity, I did have a two month hiatus from the time when Arie potty trained and Sophia was born. But once Sophia was external, it was back to square one. 

It's been one mighty long road to the quiet triumph of today. To that GLORIOUS FLUSH that was heard around our household. 

A brief recap. 

Once the diapers start coming, it's a never ending parade of Huggies. You muscle down the first two years and then slowly, slowly the brainwashing toward potty training begins. 

I have to give props to Elmo and his ground breaking DVD Elmo's Potty Time. 

Never have I heard such musical genius as the dulcet tunes to "Accidents Happen..." and other bathroom hits only muppets seem to pull off. When it came time to potty train Arie or Sophia and they wanted to watch TV, it was DVD time and Elmo and his dancing toilet were the only show in town. Every day. 

Arie my eldest was easier to bribe than Sophia. With a significant amount of Elmo airtime under her belt, I offered to buy her whatever pretty undergarments she wanted and within a 48 hours we kissed diapers goodbye forever. 

Sophia was a different story. I gave Elmo heavy rotation as I had with Arie. But Sophia was perfectly content to keep the status quo. I tried the offering of undergarments with any superhero or cartoon character she liked. She happy chose and then was unfazed when they didn't act like diapers. We waffled. I went back to diapers and would then try three separate times to potty train to no avail. And then one day, a few weeks after her third birthday, I said, "Sophia the diapers are going bye-bye forever." And that started our "Cold Turkey" phase. A new and completely unpredictable world. 

After a three day weekend of, shall we say, letting Sophia go commando at home and repeatedly taking her to the bathroom, cabin fever started to close in on me. I had to get out of the house. So off we went to REI. Maybe it was being around all that camping equipment but I turned to talk to a sales person for a moment and Arie pulled on my skirt. Jason, my late husband, dubbed her "First Alert" and for good reason. She is usually first on the scene and quick with a report. 

"Mommy, Sophia is making that face.", Arie said. 

Slightly distracted by all the wonderful outdoor gear I replied, "Huh, what are you talking about, Arie? What face?" And then it dawned on me. If you are a mom, you know the face. The face of the BIG ONE. The red cheeked, pressed lips and squinted eyes that says only one thing could be happening. I blanched and looked around the nearby sunglass display to see Sophia crouched in action position. "NOOOOOoooooooo!!!" I pleaded as I snatched up my child but had the presence of mind NOT to put her on my hip as we ran to the back of the store for the bathroom. 

Some accidents cannot be salvaged. I didn't look back as I left clothes in the REI bathroom garbage receptacle. 

Fast forward to conning Sophia to use the potty seat. I took to offering jelly beans for sitting down on the potty seat, which Sophia would only do CLOTHED. I would perch myself on the cold porcelain edge of the bathtub and read endless books to her so she would get comfortable sitting on the potty seat. She had a fear of falling in and for the longest time would not sit down on the thing. She was probably thinking, "What person in their right mind sits on a chair with a hole in the middle of it??" All I got for my efforts were two legs that fell asleep. So I pulled the potty seat near a TV set and put on her favorite show, Dora the Explorer. 

Gracias, Dora!!! 

Finally, Sophia relaxed and the rest is history. 

I couldn't believe my luck when I was free from diapers and all the accessories that followed! No more precarious encounters with those fold out changing tables in public bathrooms. Which actually inspired a protest or two on my part. While taking a road trip, I came across a few fast food chains that did not have changing tables in the restrooms. So I simply changed Sophia's diaper on one of the benches of a booth table. Then I let the manager know that if he did not want to have customers changing diapers in the dining area of his eating establishment, there needed to be a changing table in the restroom. POWER TO THE DIAPER!

There was an unexpected phase that I'm going to dub "Nature's Call." 

For a while Sophia took to stripping herself and going outside. I'd be washing the dishes and through the kitchen window see Sophia streaking like a little wood nymph across our backyard! But that's not all. She had a little plastic car that she would sit on and push around with her feet on our back patio. The seat lifted up...much like a potty seat and soon it became her potty of choice. I didn't know how to curb this sudden call of the wild. 

So one day while at the pediatrician's office to treat an ear infection, the doctor asked me how Sophia was doing developmentally. I said fine, except for a challenge in one area. I told the doctor about Sophi's new curious outdoor habits and asked if maybe the doctor could put in a good word about using the potty indoors.

She happily obliged and encouraged Sophia to do her business indoors. After that, the toy car mysteriously disappeared...some report that it made its way onto a garbage truck...but I can neither confirm nor deny such allegations. 

From then on, to this day when I mention the doctor, Sophia will say in her most serious three year old tone while pointing a finger for emphasis, "The doctor says no peeps or poops outside." And for that and so many other things I am thankful to the medical community. 

Today was not an especially significant day. No special plans made. I worked out for 90 minutes at the gym, we had a play date at the house and I finished what seemed like a truckload of laundry and was then cleaning the house. I got to the bathroom and there was a "gift" waiting for me in the potty seat and something in me just snapped. 

Sophia was near me and I said, "Sophi, Mommy doesn't want to do this anymore. Do you think you can put your stuff in the big potty?" 

"Yes, Mommy.", she replied. 
"Great!" I answered. 

Could it actually be this easy???

I put a child seat on the toilet and she tried to climb on but she was too small. It dawned on me that her potty converted to a step stool for this exact moment. So I took the potty top off, turned the base of the seat upside down and Voila! Step stool! Sophia mounted that toilet like a throne and sat proudly. 

After a few minutes there came from the bathroom her triumphant. "I did it! I did it!!!" 

I came in and cheered like an NFL Barbie! YEAH!!! 

Really, I thought of singing the Hallelujah chorus! After I was done, I said, "Sophia, I am so proud of you!" She beamed with pride, looked at me and said," Talk again, Mommy." 

So I said, "Sophia, you are a big girl now and I am so very proud of you!!!!" 

I kissed her, she hugged me and that was that. 

Maybe in years to come I will look back on the diaper years with wistful longing for the sweet chubby knees and yummy tummy that you get to kiss when the baby is all cleaned up. 

But today, I am only overjoyed to say a fond farewell to endless wipes and butt creams. Thank you! You served me well! But from today forward I stand before you a FREE WOMAN and it feels PRETTY FREAKIN' AMAZING!!!

Discipline for a Style Diva

I was chanting the mom mantra for too long. 
CLEAN YOUR ROOM...
CLEAN YOUR ROOM...

My eldest daughter, who is six, didn't seem to have any sense of urgency while the room she shares with her three year old sister got increasingly full of dirty clothes, garbage and haphazardly strewn toys. To say my eldest is a style diva is putting it mildly. There are multiple costume changes every day, which contributes to the mess. The place was starting to look like certifiable hoarders lived there.  I was waiting for a camera crew from Clean House to knock on my door at any moment. 

I have to admit that sometimes I feel overwhelmed with single mom-ness. The list is unending and unyielding. Clean the house, clean my kids, play with kids, make sure that educational needs are met, feed kids healthy food, feed animals (we have 6...two dogs, two cats and two rabbits), work and stay current with news for work and somehow take care of myself and exercise.  
Lather, rinse, repeat on a daily basis.

In the past, when things get to the boiling point, I have yelled. Rather Loudly. And that has seemed to snap my kids to attention and action. But I don't like the process and neither does my oldest daughter. She told me so one day.

"Mommy, it hurts my feelings when you yell. Could you just tell me nicely what you want me to do?"
"I do, dear", I reply," but you don't respond until I yell." 
"Try." she requested. 
"Alright." I agreed. 

So I changed my tactics. 
I had asked my six year old nicely to clean up her room for at least five days. Each day she went to her room but no change to the mess. On that fifth evening I asked, she agreed and went up to her room. When I checked in on her, the room looked just as bad and she was happily sitting on the floor playing with one of the cats. 

In my calmest tone I said, "You will be wearing an outfit of my choosing tomorrow." 
Not understanding the ramifications, my daughter blithely replied," Okay, Mommy.", and continued to dress the cat. 

In the morning, I came in the girls' room to pick her outfit. 
Calmly I said, "My darling, you will be wearing this outfit all day, every day until your room is clean. I'm willing to wash this outfit every day for a month or two or a year. As long as it takes."

She got quiet. 
And then I made my selection. 
First you have to understand my eldest. She has been into personal style since the age of two. She is a whiz with accessories and her outfits are always edgy and cool. She takes great pride in the outfits she puts together FOR KINDERGARTEN. 

So when I pulled out a pair of jean shorts that came to her knees and ended in a flurry of ruffles with orange pipping, first she stood still and then it dawned on her. She started to jump and down and convulse all at once, "Don't make me scream! Don't make me scream!", was all she could say. These shorts were a direct affront to all things even mildly fashionable.  
I then coupled the shorts with her school t-shirt, which by her standards is pretty bland. 

I calmly handed the clothes to her and said, "This is your outfit, my love, until this room is spotless." In a dramatic flair of tears and indignant anger, she grabbed the clothes and stormed out of the room. I tried to keep it together, holding onto a closet shelf while my body silently shook with laughter. 

When I picked my girls up from school later on that day, without a word from me, my eldest went straight to work on her room. Girlfriend pulled out skills I didn't even know she had! She sorted her clothes and folded everything oh, so neatly! She made the bed and arranged all the books on the shelf. All the toys were displayed in perfect order. The closet was ready for a Martha Stewart magazine shoot. 

"May I change now?" She asked. 
"Well done, Baby! Well, done! Yes, you may!" I cheered. 

As my daughter removed her ruffled shorts like the plague and slipped on her ensemble du jour, I couldn't help but feel I was on to something. 


Why do we as mothers let ourselves get bent out of shape when our children don't listen to us? I've yelled and worn myself out trying to get my point across. Maybe the answer lies in turning the tables. Let them feel the consequences of their decisions while we calmly sit back and watch.  

Interesting Cancer Prevention Info

A girlfriend of mine sent me this info and I wanted to share.... AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY ('TRY', BEING THE KEY WORD) TO ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHNS HOPKINS IS FINALLY STARTING TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY.  Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins :  1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.  2.. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime..  3  When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.  4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.  5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.  6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastrointestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.  7. Radiation, while destroying cancer cells, also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs..  8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.  9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.  10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites..  11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply..  *CANCER CELLS FEED ON:  a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes like NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful.. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses, but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in color. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.  b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soy milk cancer cells are being starved.  c.. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.  d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans.. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).  e.. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine. Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer fighting properties. Water-best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.  12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines becomes putrefied and leads to more toxic buildup.  13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.  14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the bodies own killer cells to destroy cancer cells.. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, which is the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.  15.. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, un-forgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.  16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.  1. No plastic containers in micro.  2. No water bottles in freezer.  3. No plastic wrap in microwave.  Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as well. Dioxin chemicals cause cancer, especially breast cancer. Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic.

 Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Cast le Hospital, was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This especially applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body. Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper.

It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons. 

Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food. Cover food with a paper towel instead.

One step forward...

Okay, I have to get to bed but wanted to say that today was much better. I didn't beat myself up. Didn't hold myself to a standard of unattainable perfection. Just loaded up the kids and took them for a six mile walk this morning with Montana. Great start to the day! Actually, I just walk the girls three miles to school and then walk the rest of the way home with Montana as my side kick. Walking home with an empty stroller does raise the eyebrows to those passing by. I wanted to sing lullabies to the empty seats, really give 'em something to talk about!

Also loaded up on protein which helps to kill sugar cravings.
I read once that you can't fight chemistry for very long. So, when it comes to sugar, which can be an addictive substance, you have to fight smarter not harder.

One trick that I got from Dr. Oz's You on a Diet is to have some red pepper in the morning on your eggs. Somehow the pepper helps kill the sugar cravings during the day.

Stay tuned for tomorrow. Will share a great vitamin recipe to tip the scales away from the sugar cravings that can kill any healthy eating plan.

Sometimes, trying to change your life all at once can be overwhelming. Just try one or two changes. Then when you have mastered those, try a few more!

Pumpkins and Projects

I have converted my half acre property into an edible garden. I have 12 fruit trees, 14 blueberry bushes, musadine grape vines, cranberry bushes, 6 huge blackberry bushes, two strawberry patches and three veggie patches. The girls and I love to go outside in the morning and pick fresh produce for breakfast, lunch or dinner. There is always something wonderful to discover in the garden!

While trimming my grapevines I learning something interesting. The vines that I trimmed early in the spring are now producing fruit. You are supposed to train a vine by tying it to a post and not allowing any sucker vines to grow along the main trunk. Only let the vines which will carry the grapes sprout at the top of the trunk. The ones that I let grow like crazy with no trimming have lots of leaves and vines but no fruit. That can be like me.

Sometimes I like to try my hand at lots of stuff. Start a whole bunch of projects and not finish them. Lots of energy output but no fruit in the end.

I know a wonderful neighbor and he is a seasoned gardener. He gives me tips on my garden and helps me hone my efforts so I am successful.

When he sees a shoot forming at the base of the trunk on one of my fruit trees he tells me to cut it off. He explains that it will take up unnecessary energy from the tree and you won't yeild the fruit that you could if you had trimmed the sucker off.

I applied this to a pumpkin vine that I have growing. I could have a slew of small pumpkins along a long vine OR I could cut the vine and have two or three pumpkins that will grow very large.

I've also applied that principle to my life. I have figured out three goals that I really want to accomplish and I'm trimming off the events or efforts in my life that suck my energy away from those goals. As I've said, one of my goals in the next twelve months is to accomplish an Olympic Triathlon and drop 30 pounds.

Some trimming looks like this:
I do my best to keep a consistent bedtime.
I turn off the TV two hours before bed.
I've started journaling what I eat
My program on TrainingPeaks.com helps me stick to an exercise plan.
Maybe I'll even preplan my meals. (That will be next. I'm not known for by skills in the kitchen!)

To that effect, I ventured into day two of this training. This morning I finally used my Concept 2 rowing machine that I scored on Craigslist for a fraction of the retail cost. But it's been sitting in my room for a few years now...unused. Today, I got on the thing before eating breakfast burned 250 calories in 20 minutes! That was a great use of time! And when you do cardio before breakfast I've read that you burn 30% more fat that way! It also increases your metabolism for the rest of the day.

I wore my Polar heart rate monitor and watch so that I could accurately know how much I was working. I bought mine at REI, but you can also find them online as well.

I was called in to work today. (I'm a freelance news editor). I really enjoy my work. I love the high energy environment but any job can have it's stressful moments. I usually keep my cool but quietly go to the vending machine and eat a sugary snack to calm my nerves...I call it the dark side of the vending machine. Before I know it, I've downed heaven knows how many calories! Which sabotages all my work out efforts. But today I texted a friend to keep me accountable and it worked! Okay, I did have 415 calories before I texted but at least it wasnt 1500 which I am well capable of...

I also downloaded an app on my phone. It's free and called MyNetDiary.
What a powerful tool! When I wrote down what I ate and the program calulated the fat, carb and protein contents of the food that I put in my body, well, it really helped me stick to my plan. I felt stronger and lighter and more in control!

Okay, off to bed to get the shut eye needed. ( I do include practical links in my blog to connect you to products I acually use. Just passing along what works for me).

I officially started my Olympic triathlon training yesterday (August 4th, 2010). 

I kept wanting to wait until things were not busy in my life...but that isn't going to happen so I just picked a day and started. 

I am using a program though Trainingpeaks.com. It's really easy to follow. When you sign up for one of their hundreds of fitness plans online, you get a daily email telling you what exercises to do for that day. Each day building on the next until you have reached your goal. Check out their website for more details!

I am using two programs. One is called 25 week Beginner to Intermediate Olympic Distance Triathlon by Ben Greenfield. This is a 25 week training plan originally written for Ben Greenfield's wife to go from post-pregnancy fitness to an Olympic distance triathlon in 25 weeks - while taking care of 2 kids! Requires about 5-7 training hours per week. 

I am also using 12 Week Fitness and Fat Loss Secrets by Ben Greenfield. This program is designed for the individual who is just beginning an exercise program or who is experiencing a weight loss "plateau", this program incorporates key concepts for maximizing fitness and rapidly achieving fat loss. Ben Greenfield has taken applied exercise science concepts to design an easy-to-understand program that incorporates key Fat Loss Secrets such as the "Morning Fat Flush", "Metabolic Resistance Training" and "Calorie Blasting Intervals".

Over the course of 12 week, you'll take 3 week incremental steps towards melting away the fat, toning, shaping and gaining the energy levels you've always wanted.

One of the principles used for weight loss is to do some cardio exercise for 20-30 minutes before eating breakfast. I've heard that you burn 30% more fat that way. So I'm waking up earlier to do that. 

I've also started to keep a diary of my food intake. I think of it as a caloric budget. And I'm noticing that I'm not eating as well as I like to think I do. One thing that helps is if you have one of those smart phones and can download a calorie counter program so you can keep track of your carb, protein, fat and calorie intake. I've done this before and lost 10 pounds in a month. So I'm going to do it again. 

Here is my sample from yesterday:

Slice of bread for breakfast

Work out with Robert

Protein shake after work out at 11:00am

Pretzels with peanut butter for lunch

3 blackberries and half a banana for a snack at 5:00p

Thai food for Dinner: pad Thai plate shared three ways with me and the girls. 7:00 pm

3 spoons mango ice cream for dessert

A slice of bread for breakfast? Not a great plan. When you write it down it makes you think about what you are feeding yourself. How are you feeding the driving force of your life? 

So yesterday I worked out with Robert Haddocks, my trainer. Another great work out. I've been had some soreness in my back and one of the benefits of working out with him is that he makes you move through many planes of motion. It's not just lifting heavy weights. He also customizes the work out program to help my back get supported by my core (stomach muscles). And now, after a month, my back feels a lot better! Thanks Robert!

Then I did a 45 minutes of bike drills as recommended on my triathlon program. Then 30 minutes of walking on a treadmill that evening. 

All in all not a bad start! Anybody want to join me online and start training for their first triathlon?

Play Time

When my husband died, one of the ways that I coped with being a single mom was to fill our days with activity. 

I didn't want to slow down because it was too hard to be still. To many memories came flooding back. And then I would have to fight the feeling of being sad. 

Before he passed, I used to spend long stretches of time just playing with Arie when she was two. We would paint or color, blow bubbles outside or play hide and go seek for hours. 

Now I plan trips downtown, like last Thursday to Centenial Olympic Park to hear music at the National Black Arts Festival (NBAC.org). We heard a FABULOUS Brazilian band called Olodum! My girls and I danced on the lawn near the band. Drums were pounding, other people were performing Capoeira (an Afro-Brazilian from of Marital Arts). It was a feast for the eyes. Here's a link to see an example of Capoeira on Youtube. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sBSNb73RKs&feature=related

This is the motherhood I have newly become accoustomed to. One full of cultural experiences. One of adventure. I'm great at taking trips. I llke motion. And it's not a bad way to live. Only that yesterday, my trip to listen to Ghanaian percusion artists with my girls was rained out. 

When that happens, I usually go to Blockbuster and rent some movies. We have Netflix too but I just felt like something new. 

The girls took their siesta (what I call their two hour afternoon nap) when we got home which let me watch the movie Good Hair with Chris Rock. I really enjoyed his documentary style. Anyway, my oldest daughter got up first and said, "Mom, build a fort with me. Please." There really is something in me that doesn't want to do this. And I wish it wasn't there. A part of me stopped playing quietly when Jason died. 

My children's grandmother Sylvia is a world class fort builder. There is not a couch cushion she has met that she can't turn into the Taj Mahal. She sews huge pieces of fabric together and caries colorful clamps in her purse. When she is done fort building in my kids' room I feel like I've stepped into a bedouin tent in Ariabia. 

I was able to satisfy here by draping a few blankets, getting some popcorn and turning on the movie. 

Later on, some friends came by and invited us to Chili's. I was getting ready to leave and my oldest pulled on my arm. 

"Mommy, please play Barbies with me," She asked, eyes pleading. "Baby, we are getting ready to go..." I countered. 

"Just for a few minutes," she said. "Okay," I replied. 

And then it happened. Barbie had turned into my alter ego from Jersey who didn't want to walk far in her Jimmy Choo's to get her car. The girls were laughing hysterically. 

We were sitting in their room, on the carpet and I watched my oldest play with her Barbie and she was so beautiful that my heart felt like it was breaking. How long will she want to make her barbie dance? How long will she want to play, sitting cross legged with me before friends and boys will take over the scene? 

Brazilian percusion bands are incredible, but so is slowing down enough to see the tender girlhood which blooms so quietly in the stillness of my daughters' room.